What I Like About Me

Here's the thing: I've kind of been struggling lately.

It's not easy to admit; it's pretty embarrassing, actually. But we all have things we struggle with, right? Somebody say "right." Right.

Well, right now, I'm struggling with my confidence. In kind of a bad way. No, not in a "depressed" way. I'm not in therapy or anything (not that that's a bad thing; I'm just saying I'm not at that point). But it is affecting my happiness. On a daily basis. It's also morphing into other issues - issues about loving and trusting others. How can I love others when I'm constantly comparing myself to them and being jealous of their lives, talents, personalities, etc.? And how can I trust others when I think that they must be always looking down on me (because I deserve it) and are therefore never acting out of friendship or love? It's been something of a slippery slope, and I could see it getting much worse without some action. 

So I'm taking some action. I'm reading a book on the subject; I'm constantly reminding myself that I am in charge of my happiness; I'm recognizing and documenting small victories and things I "do right" every day; I'm trying to recognize that when things don't go perfectly, it's not necessarily because of something I did wrong. And I'm trying to be aware of my strengths, which is where this post comes in.

Here's what I figure: it's one thing to say to myself, "I guess I'm not so bad at (blank)." It's quite another to proclaim what I like about myself to the world. Somehow, it makes it seem more like I actually feel this way, like I'm confident enough to not only recognize my strengths, but to tell you about them. It makes my confidence seem real. And, well... I really need it to be real.

So, in an effort to realize (understand) -- and realize (make real) -- my confidence, here's a little list of some things I like about myself.

In no particular order:

-I'm a good listener. Dallin often says I missed my calling as a therapist, and he might be right. I enjoy listening to people - letting them express themselves, learning about them, and, if possible, helping them out just a little bit. I think my listening skills have actually helped me learn a lot about people in general, which has made me more empathetic, which I hear is a good thing.

-I'm patient. Not Job-esque or anything, but I'm generally pretty patient, with people and situations.

-I'm smart. Or maybe well-educated. Or does realizing that those are two different things make me smart, so I should stick with that? Hm. Anyway, I like to learn, and I like to think. Result: I don't think I'm an idiot. Unless, you know, chemistry is involved.

-I'm good with money. I don't think I'm a cheapskate, but if something is a want, rather than a need, I have to want it really, really badly to justify actually buying it. I think I'm smart and realistic with our money; I don't hoard it, but I'd say I'm definitely more frugal than frivolous. I think I have a good balance, and I like it.

-My weight. Am I allowed to say this? It seems very taboo nowadays to actually like how much you weigh. I hope it doesn't rub anyone the wrong way, but if I had to choose one thing I liked about my physical appearance (and I kinda feel like I do for the purposes of this post), it would probably be my weight. Not my body - there are plenty of things I don't like about that. But I'm at a healthy weight and I feel good about that.

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Well, there they are. A few things I like about myself. I realize that I'm by no means perfect at these things, but I think they are characteristics that I have that can help me become a better, more confident person. And I also think that recognizing them is a good start.

Thanks for hearing me out, friends. This was actually a really difficult post to write and I'm just a little bit proud of myself for actually writing it. And you know what? Being a little bit proud of myself feels good.

(a picture of me being proud)

I'd love to hear the things that you guys like about yourselves. Write them down, why don't ya? Forget about your weaknesses for a moment, and just show yourself some love. Deal? Deal.

35 Things: February Update

And it continues...

2. Have one month when I go to the temple weekly (halfway done) - Tell me if you think this is cheating: my bro-in-law (who is leaving on his mission to Paraguay in May...yay...that rhymes) visited the temple for the first time ever on Feb 19, and we're supportive and all, so we went. The next week, my little sister (who is getting married March 3) visited the temple for the first time ever, and we're supportive and all, so we went.

And I thought to myself, "Self, you could have planned this out better and gone to the temple every week for the month of February!"

And then my self responded with "Well, self, you could still make this work...just go for 4 consecutive weeks"

And I thought, "By golly, self, you're right. After all, I made these rules."

So I hereby decided that 4 consecutive weeks fulfills the "every week for a month" requirement. And so it is written.

So I'm halfway done with that one. Cheating? Bah.

7. Create a meal plan - at least once a week for every month - check.

12 Bake a new cookie every month - February's cookie: Rolo Stuffed Chocolate Chip Cookies, found on My Baking Addiction (click the cookie name to go to the recipe). And these were every bit as yummy as they sound and look. Yumzo.

25. Read 30 books - while I didn't make as much progress as I did in January, I read a couple books this month, bringing my grand total up to 7:

-Fire by Kristin Cashore: not a sequel to Graceling, but a "companion" to it. Really, really liked it. I plan on reading the third one when it comes out, thanks so much. 4 1/2 stars.

-City of Glass by Cassandra Clare: the third of The Mortal Instruments series, which I had to finish, but I'm pretty glad is behind me now. 2.75 stars.

29. Do not drink soda for one month - you.guys. If you don't know how huge this is, then you don't know me. I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE SIP OF SODA FOR AN ENTIRE MONTH. This is amazing. I am incredibly proud of myself for doing this. I won't blubber on about it, but it was not easy. BUT I DID IT. Holy crap. Go me. Now where's my DP?

30. Babysit for free - done. Just because it's done doesn't mean I won't do it for you and your kids. I'm willing to do it again. I probably will do it again. Cool.

35. Complete an act of service every month - again, won't go into detail, but I didz it.

So there you have it. I'm doing all right, no? Plus, I got started on several others on the list, including cleaning out/organizing the pantry, finishing the nursery, and donating old clothes to DI.

I'm really liking having this list, y'all.

35 Things: January Update

So I'm off to a good start on my 35 Things to do in 2011! Here's a quick update:

7. Create a meal plan - at least once a week for every month - done for 2 weeks in January. Holla!

12. Bake a new cookie every month - January's cookie: Oreo Cheesecake Cookies, recipe found here. They were okay. Not as great as the name would leave you to believe.

13. Clean out extra room - Dallin's aunt and uncle stayed with us one night this month, and since they needed a place to stay, this kind of needed to be done. And guess what? Dallin did it the weekend that I was deathly ill. Because he's the bomb(dot)com. Now I just have to refashion it into the cutest little girl room for Maddy. But it can be crossed off the list because it is definitely "clean."

25. Read 30 books - Obviously, not done yet, but definitely in progress. Here's what I've read, with a sentence or two on how I felt about each one:

-And Then There Were None by Agatha Christie: Actually very enjoyable, a little creepy (not really a bad thing, in my opinion). It kept me guessing. I'm glad I finally read something by the famous Agatha. 4 stars.

-Graceling by Kristin Cashore: Kind of a teen candy read, but an awesome one. I like the characters and I think the idea of "graces" is clever. 5 stars.

-Olive Kitteridge by Elizabeth Strout: Meh. Never really got into it. Great writing though. 3 stars.

-Matched by Ally Condie: Another teen read (they're fast and fun, ok?!). Futuristic setting that shows what society might become if we let it (I love that). Poetic writing. Loved it. 5 stars.

-Jellicoe Road by Melina Marchetta: A little hard to get into, and somewhat confusing at times. But it is a very touching story. 3.5 stars.

***Side note: Dangit it's embarrassing to admit that I like those teen reads so much. And both the ones mentioned above are the first in their series, so I've got to keep reading them. AND there's other ones on my list. Oh well. I shall not be ashamed. More refined stuff is on my list too! Side note over.***

26. Buy skinny jeans - Yep yep. Got em, like, the first week in January, with an American Eagle gift card I got for Christmas. Have I mentioned that American Eagle jeans are just the best for me? Well, they are. And I'm actually loving the skinnies. This was a big confidence thing for me, by the way. I've always thought I couldn't pull the look off, but I'm just going for it.

35. Complete an act of service every month - I won't tell you what it was, but trust me, it was done.

So yeah, feeling pretty good about this!

Also, I've chosen February for my no soda month. I'm calling it Fizz-Free February. And it's only partly because February is the shortest month of the year. But yes, that definitely had something to do with it. Anyone want in?

Positivity

Is everyone ready for Debbie Downer/Negative Nancy/any-other-sad-word-and-name-combo to be gone?

I totally am. I know I haven't blogged very much over the past several days, so you haven't really gotten to see grumpy/tired/generally-bummed-out Katie in all her glory. But she's been here - believe me. And now, I'm ready to get rid of her.

BECAUSE:

-Food and drink have stayed inside my body for two, almost three, days. Woot. I say again, woot.

-I just got back from a nice little trip to Sedona with Dallin. We flew up with my uncle (a pilot) and my dad, had lunch, and flew back. And even though I am not really so much a fan of small aircraft...fun!

-The Valentine's wreath I am making is turning out quite nicely, and I am proud. Also, I love Valentine's. I need to do more for it.

-Madelyn gets cuter every day. It doesn't seem possible, but it is.

-My house actually looks decent, thanks to my amazing hunk of a husband who cleaned it from top to bottom last weekend. Now I just need to keep it up. I can do that.

-Maddy is napping at Grandma's right now (Grandma watched her while we went to Sedona) which means I've got the time AND the energy (simultaneously!) to get things done.

Let's go.

35 Things to do in 2011

Hello, all.

So I read this very adorable blog written by this very adorable girl I knew in Junior High and High School. Her name is Emily and she just has the most cheery disposition ever. If only I could be as positive as she is...

Anyway, several months ago she and her husband created a list of 101 things to do in 1001 days.

When creating my New Year's "resolutions" this year, I decided following in their footsteps was the way to go, for a few reasons:

1) If you remember from years past, I'm not really into the traditional "resolution" stuff. I think it is setting yourself (ok, myself) up for disappointment.

2) Making a list of "things to do" keeps things specific and measurable. I've made too many "I want to be better at X" or "I'm going to do Y every day!" goals. Those end up getting me down because either I miss one day and the whole thing goes out the window, or I have a hard time defining what "better" is. Either way, it's discouraging. Hopefully, having "things to do" will keep me more on track.

I changed things up a bit, which you've probably realized if you read the title of my post. I decided to scale it down for one year instead of the 2.74 years that is 1001 days, which means I also scaled my list of things to do down by 2.74, coming out to 35 instead of 101. (Okay, so it is technically 36...but 35 is...rounder.) I think keeping it to one year somehow seems a little less overwhelming to me; plus, it will hopefully keep me from procrastinating.

Anyway, enough justification. I don't have to justificate myself to you anyway (no offense).

So here's my list, divided into categories and listed in no particular order:

35 Things to do in 2011

Spiritual

1. Read the whole Book of Mormon...twice
2. Have one month when I go to the temple weekly
3. Reread all 2011 Conference talks
4. Memorize the Family Proclamation
5. Attend a missionary discussion

Food (yep, it gets its own category)

6. Try a food I've never tried before
7. Create a meal plan - AT LEAST one week every month
8. Make hi-hat cupcakes
9. Make homemade bread
10. Build food storage (3 month supply)
11. Grow herbs
12. Bake a new cookie every month

Home

13. Clean out the extra room
14. Donate old clothes to DI
15. Finish the nursery (really finish it!)
16. Clean out and organize the pantry
17. Clean out bedside drawers

Activities

18. Go on a picnic
19. Sing in the ward choir
20. Go on a hike
21. Throw a party

Financial

22. Start a savings account for Madelyn
23. Create a grocery budget
24. Save up to buy something I want

Personal

25. Read 30 books
26. Buy skinny jeans
27. Graduate from Grad school
28. Write one blog post every day for one month
29. Do not drink soda for one month
30. Use cloth diapers exclusively for one week
31. Babysit for free
32. Watch 10 movies I've "always wanted to see"
33. Send 10 thank you cards for no real reason
34. Update my ipod
35. Complete an act of service every month

I'm working on more specific planning, like deciding which books I'm going to read and which movies I'm going to watch, or deciding which month to make my "no soda" month (EEK) or which month to write a blog post every day (lucky you). I think planning it out pretty specifically will help me stick to it even more.

For now, I'm really excited about my list. I think it is a good motivator without being overwhelming (and I get overwhelmed easily). It's amazing how quickly time passes and I think this list will help me do the things I want to do before the whole year slips away.

Happy 2011 everyone. Let's make it a good one, shall we?

3 {Other} Christmas songs

I love Christmas music.

Golly, who doesn't?

Also, who says "golly" anymore? I think we should bring it back.

Anyway, Christmas music is splendid. I love traditional Christmas songs that there are a zillion different versions of.

BUT I also have a few songs that aren't quite as well known. Like, there are only a couple versions of it, or maybe even just one. Or it just doesn't get the play time that all the other songs do.

I thought I'd share three of those with you today. Just the ones that came to mind first...

1) "Ding Dong Merrily on High" by Celtic Woman

Dude, this song is awesome. It is an older carol that you've probably heard before, but if you haven't heard this version, check it out. It just feels Christmasy. It makes me want to ice skate while it's snowing and angels are singing and bells are ringing...or something.

2) "A Baby Changes Everything" by Faith Hill

A very pretty, very meaningful song. Sung by Faith Hill. Gorgeous.

3) "Christmas Makes Me Cry" by Mandisa and Matthew West

Kind of pop-y, but moving nonetheless. Good vocals, too!

Have you heard these? What other Christmas songs do you like that don't get played a a gazillion times every year?

Some things just don't get done right away

I'm not getting everything entirely done tonight. Observe:


What I did do today:

*woke up early
*accepted the fact that it was going to be a bad hair day
*internshipped
*went to lunch with my lil sis
*grocery shopped
*put Madelyn down for nap
*started homework
*washed & dried 5 loads of laundry (nope, not folded. see above)
*made dee-licious dinner for missionaries
*quick-cleaned the house so it wasn't a total disaster for the missionaries
*ate dinner with the missionaries
*listened to spiritual thought from missionaries
*woke Maddy up from her (FOUR AND A HALF HOUR) nap
*went for a walk with Dallin and Maddy
*visited my recovering-from-knee-surgery grandma in the hospital
*had a 23-year-old crisis
*finished a substantial amount of super stressful/annoying homework
*felt extremely grateful to Dallin for putting the baby down
*peeked in at Maddy because she's so gosh darn pretty when she's asleeping
*decided to put off finishing the dishes and folding the laundry until tomorrow
*decided to blog about putting off dishes and laundry...instead of doing them
*realized that my life is pretty good
*said goodnight to my blog buddies
*signed off

Currenly, I am...

• sick
• unshowered
• yuck
• on prescribed medication for the first time in a loooong time
• not pregnant (I had to make sure before taking said prescribed medication)
• feeling my head expand as the mucus threatens to take over
• coughing
• not coughing anymore
• wanting to forget that I have a face
• just remembering that I need to sleep with the humidifier on tonight
• yuck again

Sleepy time. cross your fingers that (a) my sinus infection goes away and (b) that it does not go away into my baby. Dallin already had it, so your time to cross your fingers for his health has passed. But go ahead, if you really want to. It won't hurt anyone.